Post Office Douchebag

I just ran errands at lunch and had a crazy exchange that cannot go un-shared: in the post office, I walk up to one of those tables they have to sort through mail and there's a dude standing there with papers strewn everywhere taking up 3/4's of the table and a neatly stacked pile of mail at the other end. I don't want to be rude, so I say...

Emily: "excuse me, Sir, is this [pointing to neat stack of mail] yours?"
PO D-bag: [glares] "... no"
Emily: [confused] "do you know where this person is?"
PO D-bag: "no"

So I move the pile over to the edge to make myself a one-foot by one-foot workspace at the table to fill out my returns form... In the meantime, Tim gets back from checking his post office box and I move my purse to share my tiny table space with him. At least 5 minutes passes with Tim and I talking while I fill out this Returns form and all of the sudden D-bag starts talking...

P.O. D-bag: [looking down at his mail pile and mumbling] "it would be really rude of you to just walk up and shove my mail aside if that WERE my mail. I would be really upset if you had done that – it’s very rude."

Now, Tim and I both think this guy just has a really dry sense of humor and is kidding. I look up at Tim and he's frozen, mouth gaping, smiling at PO D-bag and silently giggling. I look at PO D-bag and he's still looking down at his pile of mail, but not smiling and not making eye contact. So I'm thoroughly confused and all I can muster is, "p-pardon?"

PO D-bag: [angrily now] "I SAID - I would be really upset if that was my mail and you just walked up and shoved it aside. Its incredibly rude to just shove that aside..."
(silent, gaping mouths from both Tim and I) and he continues...
PO D-bag: "and no I don't work for Dell but Michael is a client of mine..." [emphasis on 'Michael' and 'client']
[about 5 more solid seconds of silence from Tim and I]
And then Tim just goes, "... ok"
And then PO D-bag theatrically scoops up his mail and ha-rumph's away...

Tim and I stared after him for another good 5 seconds and then just burst out laughing. After thinking about it, we were a little miffed at ourselves that we didn't realize he was serious right away because there were a slew of fantastic responses we both would've had if we'd known from the beginning that he was crazy. Such as:

PO D-bag: "and no I don't work for Dell but Michael is a client of mine..."
Tim: "... well does he know you're insane?!"
or
PO D-bag: "and no I don't work for Dell but Michael is a client of mine..."
Emily: "oh, that's great! We need a pool boy, too - can we have your card?"

Unfortunately, we were too stunned to produce any worthwhile sound-bytes from this extremely random and confusing exchange, but in some ways I think our actual situation and responses were even better. I’m sure Tim’s “…ok” pissed him off even more. Man, if only life had a rewind button sometimes...