Reflections

Do you ever wish you could turn off your heart? I do. Sometimes I think life would be easier if all the complications of emotion and love were just gone – that I didn’t have to worry about letting go, because there was nothing to succumb to, nothing to throw my heart at and wonder if it was going to sink in or bounce off and shatter into a million pieces. I think if it were possible for me I probably would have let my mind talk my heart out of the game a long time ago. But then something happens that makes me remember why I always opt to dive in and take the hurt with the joy. Something happens to remind me that everybody usually has what boils down to the same fears, just manifested in different ways – fear of being excluded, abandoned, unrequited, of being inferior, etc. The trick is finding somebody you can show all of that to, and it’s still okay. This won’t mean anything to most of you, but it will to someone someday, and it does to me – and that’s all that matters.

Because waiting for the repeated punch line is the best part of the joke.
Because cautious optimism really means elation.
Because there’s a connection in walking in silence.
Because all that’s missing is a million dollars.
Because ‘miserable’ and ‘craving’ fill empty spaces.
Because rhyming and repeating help.
Because one-armed side hugs turn into real ones.

Rainy Monday

I don't mind
You’re someone who ain't mine
But someone that I'll get
And you don't know how
Hard I've tried
To convince myself that I
Can easily forget

But you left this feeling
Here inside me
One that never fails to find me...

On a rainy Monday
...a feeling inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy Monday
...I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day

I won't lie
I still can't say that I
Admit we went too far
And you won't see me change my mind
But I really wish that I
Could forget the way you are

But you left this feeling here inside me
The battle in my mind still fights me

On a rainy Monday
...a feeling inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy Monday
...I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day

I can see that you're not beside me
But I still feel you shine inside of me

On a rainy Monday
...a feeling inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy Monday
...I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day…

Lyrics by Shiny Toy Guns

There's a lot of joy to be had, and even though I know hurt inevitably accompanies it, the former so far outweighs the latter that I can only believe it's worth it. And I’m not about to give up now.