Close Encounters of the Third Kind

I always suspected it, but I am now completely convinced that God has an amazing (and somewhat sick) sense of humor. I'll explain.

So, if you've read my blog at all in the past year, you're well aware of my creepy neighbor saga. My friends and I lovingly refer to him by a multitude of nicknames, some of which you have read before: douche-bag, Mannequin Boy, creep-o, MFP... they go on and on. Well you should know by reading that a few months ago he was dismissed from his duties at our workplace - seize that day, ding dong Creep-O's gone, all sorts of relief ensues... Okay, keep that in mind for a minute.

So back in April I get an email at work asking if I'm available to discuss an immediate opening on a team in another one of our sites. The quick version of the story is that I say yes, interview five times, and get a job about 80 miles away at our headquarters complex. I'm stoked. I've wanted to move to that city for a really long time, and it takes me away from the other jackasses around here that I'm just tired of and who treat me like shit on a daily basis. Blake, one of my great friends already lives there and works for the same company I do and he's in the same building I'll be in and we're just beside ourselves with excitement. Then one day Blake calls me and the conversation goes like this:
Blake: oh my god Em, I want to cry
Me: oh shit, why?! (all concerned)
Blake: (says with a wavery voice like he's about to burst into tears. Joking, but very realistic and hysterical) Today, I was over at Traci's desk cuz we needed to meet about something and all of a sudden we felt a presence, you know how that happens?, and we looked up and MFP's head was poking over the cube!
Me: (shocked and appalled pause) ... holy FUCK! What did you do?!
Blake: I couldn't move! ... and he wouldn't go away. We couldn't even finish our meeting because he was just... lingering. And THEN - I got up to go back to my desk and he started FOLLOWING me and TALKING to me!
Me: OhmygodOhmygod, what did you do?!
Blake: (apparently not hearing me) he just stared at me and then said, “so I hear your partner in crime got a job down here. When does she start?”
Me: OH MY GOD YOU DIDN’T TELL HIM ANYTHING DID YOU?!?!
Blake: No, I just said, “yeah, it’s the best news I’ve had all month”… but then he followed me to my desk and I totally thought I was giving him tons of non-verbal clues to go way but he just hung around awkwardly.

So we laugh and commiserate about that for a little while and after I helped Blake find his happy place again we got off the phone and were okay… And then I got another call a few days before I was supposed to start at my new job.

Blake: guess who I saw today
Me: oh God, I don’t want to
Blake: yeah, and I have bad news
Me: ah shit…
Blake: he finally got a desk….
Me: please tell me that the bad news is that he’s next to you
Blake: he’s three cubes away from where your team sits
Me: FUCK! Are you serious?! I want to cry…
Blake: (laughing) I’m so sorry…

Yeah. So after everything I/we went through with Creep-O, it seems as though Round 2 is imminent. UN-believable. And this is why I am convinced that God has an insane sense of humor. Good news out of this is that he either doesn’t know I’ve started my new job there yet, or he can’t find where I sit – whatever the cause, I haven’t had to see him yet and that’s good news. I’ll keep you posted though. I’m sure Blake will “accidently” let it slip for sheer story value.

And so it begins… again.