Corporate Debutantes

Last Wednesday I hated my job. Well, really, I hated my bosses for keeping me at said job, but at this point that's just getting a little too nitty gritty. The point is, I was pissed, and here's why:

I work for a huge company. Global enterprise, multi-billion dollar type of huge, and it never ceases to amaze me how we ever get anything done. So here's the back-story. A little over nine months ago I moved into a new position at my job. The typical time in role for this job is 9-18 months before you can effectively say you've mastered it and are ready for something bigger and better, or even just something different. I knew taking this job that I would be ready to move on after around nine months, so, naturally, about two months ago I started getting the word out to other divisions that I would be looking to move to another role soon (in about 3-4 months). I tie off with my boss, let his boss know, and get back to my work.

Well, six weeks ago a buddy in another division calls me up saying he's working on creating a new job that I would be perfect for - am I interested? My answer is heck yes, so I go tell my boss, and I tell my boss's boss, and they say to keep them posted. That job came through last Wednesday, and when I went to aforementioned bosses I definitely got the Big Company Cop-out, Lumberg'eque, uhhh, gee, you know, we really can't afford to lose you right now... answer. Apparently, the way it works here is that your boss(es) have to agree on some set date in the future that they deem fitting for your departure from role, and (god forbid) if for whatever reason your departure would leave your current team in any state of disarray or deficiency they have full authority to hold you back from accepting any other positions. So really, I'm under some form of weird, unspoken rule contract... I just don't get paid $24 million for it. Once said departure date is agreed upon, there is a whole process of announcing your "eligibility to relocate" that is seriously nothing less than a corporate version of a debutante ball where a bunch of big wigs from all different divisions sit around in a room, throw your name up in a PowerPoint slide, and proceed to discuss at length every strength, weakness, and potential job fit they might see for you. Its so involved and intense that I'm mildly shocked that I don't have to show up in a white dress and a tiara escorted by the son of a prominent Honorable Mr. So-and-So.

The good news is that, while I can't take this job, I did get my bosses to agree to my release date and I already have other opportunities in the works. In April I will be unleashed into our own little corporate society, ready to find the perfect job fit and move. I get all fluttery just thinking about it, and, technically, April is spring so I guess I can wear white...